How the Lady Came to Smile
by Chrysaellis
Summary: Plagued by sadness, a young girl contemplates life and hope in the shadow of her curse. A brief exploration of Freya's perspective before and after Merlin comes to her aid. One-shot.


******A/N: This story is inspired by and based heavily on the episode 2x09 _The Lady of the Lake._**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of its characters. All rights belong to the BBC.  
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**HOW THE LADY CAME TO SMILE**

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The night was cold and she was hungry. She looked around and all she could see was a world blurred by her tears. It was an unkind world, dark and hollow, bereft of the love and beauty she had once known. Shivering in the torn and ruined rags that clothed her, she yearned for the land she still called home. In her dreams, she would find herself wandering the shores of the lake, watching the sun spill its light over the mountaintops. It would flow over the land and the waters only to bathe her in the most exquisite warmth, warmth that she so craved tonight. Tonight, there was no warmth, and no lake, and in the place of mountains was a castle that stood tall and imposing, casting an ominous shadow over all who failed to subscribe to draconian laws of its master. This shadow knew her well. It had plagued her very existence for years beyond her ability to even count.

Passers-by steered clear of her wooden prison, ever suspicious of the small druid girl who was so dangerous that she had to be bound by chains of steel. She didn't blame them; she feared herself just as they feared her. She was an abomination, a loathsome creature of magic that left nothing but utter destruction in its wake. For the longest time, she had been running from the wrath of hunters, but the one thing that she could not outrun was the unyielding power of her curse. It stayed with her, became a part of her, and tightened its grip on her life like a noose around her neck. It ripped away from her all sense of self, leaving behind nothing to be liked or loved, no future to look forward to.

No future, until this very night, when hope decided to grace her life at last. It found her trapped in a cage, cowering like a mouse, and it lifted her from her shackled torment before settling her down gently in a place of peace. This place was filled with the innocent light that shone from his eyes, sweet and gentle, calm and kind. He looked at her, and he understood. He knew what it was like to be different, to have to hide from who you were. While others knew only to judge, he accepted her and asked only the questions that mattered. In those brief, stolen moments, hidden away beneath the citadel, she shared with him her life as it used to be, and as it was. He listened, and took her sadness only to transform it in the most magical way into a future that he believed could be theirs.

As he spoke to his beautiful, broken girl of the life that they would have, she felt, for the first time, like a person once again. He showed her that she was still who she used to be, no matter what she had turned into. And he made her see that she was not only capable of love, but worthy of it. From the smallest of gestures to the most wholehearted of declarations, she felt his love for her in everything he did. She had laughed at his inability to conjure a strawberry, but she was almost certain that he had done it on purpose just to make her smile, because when she did, his face just lit up with pure, unadulterated joy.

She longed for the peaceful future that he had painted for them. It was bright and warm and filled with happiness that she had only ever known as a child. She could see, with absolute clarity, this wonderful home that they would build, far from the tyranny of their king, out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by mountains and fields and flowers and cows, and a lake. A vast, beautiful lake that sparkled like a diamond as the sun smiled. And she would smile too, as would he, and they would sit by the water, laughing over strawberries and bread.

But those fantasies would remain as such, nothing but shadows of dreams eternally beyond her reach. Hope was beautiful, but it was a finite resource. It thrived on the condition of possibility, and in her world, possibilities were a luxury that she could not afford. No matter how hard she wished for a different reality, it was her fate to always remain as a monstrous creature that lusted for blood in the dark of the night. The curse could never be broken, and as long as the beast in her still lived, she could never be with the one she loved. She could not condemn him to a lifetime on the run, nor could she bear to trade his safety for her own freedom. As it was, killing was unforgivable; killing him was simply unfathomable.

He promised to take her away, and though she had already decided that it was not meant to be, she smiled. She smiled because he liked it when she did, and because she wanted this to be his last memory of her. That was how she would remember him too, smiling, his eyes twinkling, nose crinkling. She wondered if he knew just how precious he was in her eyes. To her, he was life itself, and he had given her the gift of pleasure, something that had long since been stolen from her. All of her dreams henceforth were now forever changed. If ever she felt cold, the flames that drifted from his candles would be there to keep her warm. If ever she felt hungry, she would think of a single red flower, served with the finest bread. Whenever she cried, she would allow herself to smile, knowing that love and beauty still endured in this dark, unforgiving world. And though she was destined to lead a life of solitude, she would never again be truly alone, because he would always be there with her, in her dreams, as she sought solace on the peaceful shores of her lake.


End file.
